Smile :)

Just Smile. Smile a broken smile, smile a sad smile, smile a hurtful smile, smile a happy smile, smile a pleasant smile. Whatever you do, don't forget to smile. Your smile is your secret, and it is your life story. It is your journey and your wisdom from long-winded challenges.It is your accomplishment from the hard times, the hardships you went through, from the ups and downs, from picking your broken self up from pieces. Your smile is a symbol of strength, courage and struggle.

When you smile, you put a front, when you do that no one knows who you really are, what is on your mind and what is going on in your life, WHHHICCCCHHH i think its a good thing because why da hell do you want to be so transparent. Well, It might be a genuine smile, but there are so many secrets behind it.

I hit rock bottom back in January- March. It was the toughest, hardest, most heart breaking time I had ever faced in my whole 25 years of living. I was tough when both of my parents were really really ill but this has just shed me naked, leaving me with nothing, not even any self respect.

Ironically though, my father was coming to Chicago for a work trip,aweek after my traumatic experience. I was anxious and nervous to see him, after what happened to me. We both took the fligt to Chicago on Wednesday, the second week of February. Him from Toronto since he had work there too. Me, from Buffalo. Took my over loading work and personal problems with me to Chicago. It was a perfect timing, since I needed to be with my family again for support. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Well even though I dont express my troubles to him, it still feels good to be there. His presence made me go back to my roots and senses. I like being around him because he likes to lecture, A LOT ..motivational education stuff**rolling eyes**. Believe it or not, I do listen to him, well now that is, most of the time.

So, it was really weird. We talked about politics, education, work and all that adult-boring stuff, Oh and Charles Darwin and his Theories(told ya, we talked on only really icky topics). But Out of nowhere, he said this to me, "Ita, whatever baggage you are carrying on your shoulders, just take it off and put it on the floor. Like literally, take that baggage, filled with your troubles and problems off your shoulders and watch yourself lay it on the floor. Then watch yourself walk away from it. Everything will be fine." What did I do? I said, "Oh Cool, BRB Papa" and ran to the bathroom to cry.

Shock. I was utterly shock. Not once did I mentioned my problems, Hell no, we dont do those kinda share-your-problems-console-session thingy in my family. I wasn't touch or You know the AWWWWWwwWWww-thats-so-sweet-of-you feeling. Just SHOCK. So, where the hell did this come from? COuld he sense it? could he hear me crying in the bathroom or in my sleep? like WTF? maybe im being a drama queen here, but seriously my dad only talks about education!and sometimes politics, and HIS work, nuthing spiritual emotional crap.

Well anyways, what i learned from this is I have my family as my pillar of strength and courage. Hearing him saying this meant so much to me. I felt relief, like a ton of weight has just been lifted, just hearing that from the King of my family!Allowing such thing makes it extra better!!My Family is special. My parents don't want to know the details, so their not nosy like that. I mean if he found out, I swear he will burn me alive. All I needed was that approval, for someone to tell me its ok to be in deep shit, and its ok to just leave it behind.I dont have to carry it everywhere for the longest time, because I have the tendency to do that.

So my point is, the the moment you smile is the the moment when you actually take the overload, over packed and over weighed baggages off your shoulders and throw it on the floor, aaaaannnnnndddddd walking away from it. :) (stomp on it a lil if you must, or give it a lil kick)and ITS OKAY!!