Soul -Searching

Soul searching: Definition: close examination of one's true feelings, motives and reflecting its inner emotions with courage.

Pretty simple right? it sounds good but it is sure as hell tough to do. I did a little soul-searching going to central park in the chilly wind of April in 09, for about an hour and a half(Yeah, that was obviously wasn't enough). Trying to figure out what is important to me, what are my true feelings regarding my passion and interests. Figuring what are my priorities. A dead end.

Now before leaving to Malaysia (dreading it at the same time), before the expiration of my work permit on feb10th, i have to achieve in finding myself again. I am lost. A month after the new year, I still haven't seen any progress, non-monumental moments.

I know what my problem is... I don't know what I want or what my target is in life. The bigger issue is I like everything, but never really stick to it for a very long time, and for some reason, I am never satisfied with what I did, and always regret the moments in my past. ALWAYS! I guess I am just an ungrateful girl.

Life after college is tough, because in the real world, no one spoon feed you with job offers or hold your hand in trying to solve your problems. Fighting for a position is so hard, especially in a country that is not yours. Having qualifications weren't enough, being aggressive is needed. Actually that is true everywhere, which makes a difference with being successful or not.

I envy the people that knows their niche, their interest and pursuing it to the fullest. I saw incredible things that they did which I could too, if only I know what I want. so hopefully, February brings another discovery, for me to move on and continue with my life.